Today, after I pulled myself out of bed, I managed to drag myself to CrossFit.
I didn't die.
Everyone was awesome there, and I am so glad that we picked this gym over the others that we looked into. Everyone was extremely welcoming and super encouraging. But I must say, even though I didn't do the workout like everyone else, my trainer, Jason, customized it for me. This is what I did today.
20 pound medicine ball dead lifts
modified burpees
I had to do them reps like the following:
10x
8x
6x
4x
2x
It was a baby workout, but I finished it, and I am really f'in happy about it!
Even though Jason kicked my ass today, I guess you could say it was in the nicest way possible! :)
I am going to go rest my legs, and try not to cry..
Ps. Lunch today was grilled steak with red and green bell peppers, and my snack was vanilla greek yogurt with fresh strawberries and oats!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Anxiety will be the death of me.....
Tomorrow will be day one of cross fit...
The only thing that my mind is telling me when starting something new is that I will be no good at it, and that I will give up, like I eventually always do. This is something I do want to do. Not just for me, but for my husband and my future children.
Fears are natural, but when you suffer from a mental illness that breaks you down every part of your day, fear is taken to a whole new level. I suffer from depression, anxiety and obsesive compulsive disorder. When I obsess about something, it doesn't go away. I have thrown myself into panic attacks thinking of the worst possible scenario in situations. And that is what I am doing to myself now.
I idea of failure is eating away at me, and I don't know how to handle it. I can be told a million times that I will be okay, but that turning in my gut reminds me that I will fail, and I will quit.
I am not longer fighting my struggle with my weight and self image, I am also fighting the chemical imbalances in my head that tell me I will never be good enough at something. I often think about what it would be like to have OCD for something constructive. My therapist said that type of OCD doesn't exist, if i based my OCD on exercise and health, I would most likely be anorexic.
Fear is something I am learning to get over, and hopefully some day I will. Whether or not I fear something doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. I will probably never get over my issues, but I will learn to cope with it in other ways.
I'm done with the depressing post now...
I will update tomorrow if I don't die.
The only thing that my mind is telling me when starting something new is that I will be no good at it, and that I will give up, like I eventually always do. This is something I do want to do. Not just for me, but for my husband and my future children.
Fears are natural, but when you suffer from a mental illness that breaks you down every part of your day, fear is taken to a whole new level. I suffer from depression, anxiety and obsesive compulsive disorder. When I obsess about something, it doesn't go away. I have thrown myself into panic attacks thinking of the worst possible scenario in situations. And that is what I am doing to myself now.
I idea of failure is eating away at me, and I don't know how to handle it. I can be told a million times that I will be okay, but that turning in my gut reminds me that I will fail, and I will quit.
I am not longer fighting my struggle with my weight and self image, I am also fighting the chemical imbalances in my head that tell me I will never be good enough at something. I often think about what it would be like to have OCD for something constructive. My therapist said that type of OCD doesn't exist, if i based my OCD on exercise and health, I would most likely be anorexic.
Fear is something I am learning to get over, and hopefully some day I will. Whether or not I fear something doesn't mean I shouldn't do it. I will probably never get over my issues, but I will learn to cope with it in other ways.
I'm done with the depressing post now...
I will update tomorrow if I don't die.
Tomorrow is d-day
Im at work looking up paleo recipes for the week and tomorrow is my first day of cross fit. Sorry for the bad post. Typing this from my iPhone. Won't lie. I am absolutely terrified. Fonz has already gone to two classes and it says it kicks his ass. So it going to destroy mine. But I am ready to get on board with this and start making the change.
Over and out.
Over and out.
Friday, January 6, 2012
and so it begins!
Fonz and I have decided on a cross fit gym that we like. We hoped into at the very end of a class, and got to watch about 5 min. I was terrified. Fonz had a look in his eye like he was a kid in a candy store! After we spoke to the trainer, Jason, I started to feel better about going into this experience. There are all ages and body types doing this work out. I go in on Tuesday to do my trial class. I am probably going to cry and puke.
Along with this workout that we will be doing, we are thinking about starting the paleo diet. Google it up. It looks kind of crazy at first, but when you start to look into the recipes, it seems not to bad.
Tonight I am hosting two friends for what we call the "Hockey Wives Club." We all have celebritys husbands that are blackhawk players. Jamie's being Steve Montador, Michelle's being Sami Lepisto, and mine being Viktor Stalberg. You will probably hear about this more. So anyways..... I have all healthy snacks out, and I will post pictures and the meal plan later. :)
Time to go watch the hawks!!
Ps. Fonzy and Me are meeting Hammer tomorrow! GO TEAM SWEDE!
Along with this workout that we will be doing, we are thinking about starting the paleo diet. Google it up. It looks kind of crazy at first, but when you start to look into the recipes, it seems not to bad.
Tonight I am hosting two friends for what we call the "Hockey Wives Club." We all have celebritys husbands that are blackhawk players. Jamie's being Steve Montador, Michelle's being Sami Lepisto, and mine being Viktor Stalberg. You will probably hear about this more. So anyways..... I have all healthy snacks out, and I will post pictures and the meal plan later. :)
Time to go watch the hawks!!
Ps. Fonzy and Me are meeting Hammer tomorrow! GO TEAM SWEDE!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A year and a few months later...its all on the line
I have given up hope in the last year regarding everything to do with this blog and health idea. I have always said that when I blog I would not holding anything back, and staying true to myself, and I am putting it all on the line. And what I am about to type, I think I have only told a few people, and barley have started to admit to myself.
We will start from the beginning. (This may not all relate to weight loss, but it will give you an idea of the mindset I have been in, and will be working through.)
Shortly after I was married, I was on cloud nine thinking that I could take on the world and everything it brought at me. All of my past struggles were going to be kicked aside and I was going to become a new person. I had my new wonderful husband by my side, and I was ready to kick society in that shit eating grin that it has looked at me with for so long. I started to get things in order, going to the gym and getting healthier being my top priority.
Around August of 2010 I started to become depressed and my anxiety was slowing eating away at my strive and motivation. I became very unsure of myself and everything around me. Friends that have always been there for me because enemies in my head. I thought as if they were always judging me, thinking something was wrong with me. I had nights where I would cry because my cats ignored me. I was on a downward spiral, quick.
By December I was a different person. The depression had eaten away at me so much that I would sit on the couch in a vegetative way, staring at the TV not even sure of what I was watching. There were no more smiles, laughs, my own husband couldn't even help me because I wouldn't let anyone see into how bad it had gotten.
On a night about 2 weeks before Christmas, after a particularly rough day, I was driving home and simply thought to myself, "How easy would it be for me to let go of the wheel and go off the road." When I got home that night I realized that the feeling I had have on the ride home was not the first. That night I told Fonz that I needed to go into therapy.
This past year has been all sorts of ups and downs. I have learned a lot from myself and how to deal with what life throws at me. With 2011 being one of my roughest years thus far, I have gone into 2012 with a mindset of change and a new beginning.
Fonz and I have decided to pursue the gym once more. (Actually, to be fair, Fonz never gave up on the gym.) We are looking to join a gym that is more of a support group and community, that way when I feel like I can't face my insecurities and troubles on my own, I will have a lot of people holding me up saying that I can.
When you read this, you may see me in a different light, and see what my quick wit and laugh isn't the only depth that I have, and I think that I have let people see only that side of me for too long. Like I said in the start of this post, I am holding nothing back including fears, my depression and anxiety, and my accomplishment!
We will start from the beginning. (This may not all relate to weight loss, but it will give you an idea of the mindset I have been in, and will be working through.)
Shortly after I was married, I was on cloud nine thinking that I could take on the world and everything it brought at me. All of my past struggles were going to be kicked aside and I was going to become a new person. I had my new wonderful husband by my side, and I was ready to kick society in that shit eating grin that it has looked at me with for so long. I started to get things in order, going to the gym and getting healthier being my top priority.
Around August of 2010 I started to become depressed and my anxiety was slowing eating away at my strive and motivation. I became very unsure of myself and everything around me. Friends that have always been there for me because enemies in my head. I thought as if they were always judging me, thinking something was wrong with me. I had nights where I would cry because my cats ignored me. I was on a downward spiral, quick.
By December I was a different person. The depression had eaten away at me so much that I would sit on the couch in a vegetative way, staring at the TV not even sure of what I was watching. There were no more smiles, laughs, my own husband couldn't even help me because I wouldn't let anyone see into how bad it had gotten.
On a night about 2 weeks before Christmas, after a particularly rough day, I was driving home and simply thought to myself, "How easy would it be for me to let go of the wheel and go off the road." When I got home that night I realized that the feeling I had have on the ride home was not the first. That night I told Fonz that I needed to go into therapy.
This past year has been all sorts of ups and downs. I have learned a lot from myself and how to deal with what life throws at me. With 2011 being one of my roughest years thus far, I have gone into 2012 with a mindset of change and a new beginning.
Fonz and I have decided to pursue the gym once more. (Actually, to be fair, Fonz never gave up on the gym.) We are looking to join a gym that is more of a support group and community, that way when I feel like I can't face my insecurities and troubles on my own, I will have a lot of people holding me up saying that I can.
When you read this, you may see me in a different light, and see what my quick wit and laugh isn't the only depth that I have, and I think that I have let people see only that side of me for too long. Like I said in the start of this post, I am holding nothing back including fears, my depression and anxiety, and my accomplishment!
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Its been soooo long
So, it has been ages since I have written in this damn thing! And I said since day one that I would be completely open and honest in my blog, so I will spill the beans.
I have been having some health issues since the beginning of July and we are in the process of figuring them out. I have been passing out, have headaches/migraines that can last a month at a time, and have had memory loss. The doctors don't know whats going on quite yet, but they are looking into diabetes and cluster headaches. I will keep everyone posted when I figure things out.
With that said, I will be honest on another thing. I have been slacking. It was easy for me to create excuses of not to go to the gym when I wasn't feeling well. I did go, just not as often as I should have. I was lacking the personal modivation to keep myself going, and my self esteem fell because of that.
I was on cloud nine for a while, especially when I fit into my skinny jeans again :) I think I sent out a mass text message to my close girlfriends!
But I'm ready to get going again! I am going to the gym tonight with my husband, and I am going to stay in routine!
So help me out people! Keep me in check!
Until next time.......
In the words of my husband at breakfast things morning,
"just her walk says it all, I'm large and in charge"
I have been having some health issues since the beginning of July and we are in the process of figuring them out. I have been passing out, have headaches/migraines that can last a month at a time, and have had memory loss. The doctors don't know whats going on quite yet, but they are looking into diabetes and cluster headaches. I will keep everyone posted when I figure things out.
With that said, I will be honest on another thing. I have been slacking. It was easy for me to create excuses of not to go to the gym when I wasn't feeling well. I did go, just not as often as I should have. I was lacking the personal modivation to keep myself going, and my self esteem fell because of that.
I was on cloud nine for a while, especially when I fit into my skinny jeans again :) I think I sent out a mass text message to my close girlfriends!
But I'm ready to get going again! I am going to the gym tonight with my husband, and I am going to stay in routine!
So help me out people! Keep me in check!
Until next time.......
In the words of my husband at breakfast things morning,
"just her walk says it all, I'm large and in charge"
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
My ass was kicked...wickedly
So I'm slacking here.
I have been working non-stop all weekend/week and I have finally gotten around to typing this blog. Between work and play I am still trying to find time to work out. I will go into more detail later on. First we will talk about my first ass kicking from my trainer Amy.
Now, let me start with this. Amy is amazing, she is tough but hilarious. She is the perfect mix of "I am going to destroy you" and " I am going to make you laugh."
Last Tuesday, she did just that.
She started me off with 15 Min. of walking on the treadmill. Which I hate the treadmill with a passion. I would like to see it be dumped off the Grand Canyon with TNT strapped to it. But I walked my little heart out. Then she continued to torture me with squats with a medicine ball, then step ups. And it didn't end there, she then worked abs, arms, chest, legs again, and then made me do pilates.
By the time she was done with me, I felt like I couldn't take another step. But, the only thought going through my head was, "Holy hell, I just did that. I JUST DID THAT!"
I never thought that I would be able to indure a 60 min. full body work out. And I did. I nearly cried myself to sleep that night from the pain, but I DID IT!
I have my next session with Amy the Destoryer next thursday. Lets see how I survive round two.
Falling our of routine is very easy for me to do. After a 10 hour day of work on my feet the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. I have to constantly keep reminding myself why I am doing this. Its so I feel better about myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I want to be able to have children, run around with them, see them grow up. And by being overweight, my risk of not having that is low. This is for my future. And for my present! I want to look cute on the beach with my husband, not hide under a towel. o.O
Until next time!
Bust a move!
I have been working non-stop all weekend/week and I have finally gotten around to typing this blog. Between work and play I am still trying to find time to work out. I will go into more detail later on. First we will talk about my first ass kicking from my trainer Amy.
Now, let me start with this. Amy is amazing, she is tough but hilarious. She is the perfect mix of "I am going to destroy you" and " I am going to make you laugh."
Last Tuesday, she did just that.
She started me off with 15 Min. of walking on the treadmill. Which I hate the treadmill with a passion. I would like to see it be dumped off the Grand Canyon with TNT strapped to it. But I walked my little heart out. Then she continued to torture me with squats with a medicine ball, then step ups. And it didn't end there, she then worked abs, arms, chest, legs again, and then made me do pilates.
By the time she was done with me, I felt like I couldn't take another step. But, the only thought going through my head was, "Holy hell, I just did that. I JUST DID THAT!"
I never thought that I would be able to indure a 60 min. full body work out. And I did. I nearly cried myself to sleep that night from the pain, but I DID IT!
I have my next session with Amy the Destoryer next thursday. Lets see how I survive round two.
Falling our of routine is very easy for me to do. After a 10 hour day of work on my feet the last thing I want to do is go to the gym. I have to constantly keep reminding myself why I am doing this. Its so I feel better about myself mentally, physically and emotionally. I want to be able to have children, run around with them, see them grow up. And by being overweight, my risk of not having that is low. This is for my future. And for my present! I want to look cute on the beach with my husband, not hide under a towel. o.O
Until next time!
Bust a move!
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