Thursday, February 16, 2012

Its been 29 slacking

The last month has been a whirl wind. I have had very low points, and very high points.
I have been struggling with the Paleo diet since day one. It seems as if I am not having it prepared for me, I get to overwhelmed with it. Its easy to say what you are going to eat, but when I am at work, it's much easier to throw a bunch of chips down, and drink a red bull to keep my energy up. Our Crossfit team is starting the paleo challenge in March. For the whole month of March we will only be able to eat COMPLETELY Paleo. I have an exception to this, because Fonz and I will be heading to Milwaukee for 4 days for my birthday.
So I am going to explain some of my lows and highs from the past month.

I had an anxiety attack over this, literally. Crying, hyperventilating, freaking the F out! I have never been a runner. We were asked to run for a WOD and I failed, completely at it. The next day, the WOD had more running, and I felt so defeated from it the day before I didn't go to class. It's embarrassing when you let your anxiety and depression overtake your life. After talking to Fonz later that night, I decided to tuck my tail between my legs and go to the Friday CrossFit. It was very wearing on me. I had to push beside every fear I have had the previous day and tell myself that I was better then that. And after talking to Jason I learned that crossfitters aren't evil. They wont push you to the point where you give up on yourself. (Just to that point right before it :) )
Already Went into this.....
I don't really need to go into detail on this one.
Being Positive::
I'm 50/50 on this one. I can be really excited about this whole life style change, and then on a bad day, I hate everything, everyone, every squat, every stretch.

I have decided that I will be going completely substance free, after coming up on 8 years sober from other substances, I am deciding that I have only substituted addiction, not resolved it. I have been 29 days sober. Its a small milestone but I am happy.
Positive Thinking::
Before when you told me I had to do a squat, I told you that I couldn't do it, and then bitched about it. Then whimpered, then bitched some more, then got half way down and fell over and said I couldn't do it. Then bitched. Now I just bitch a little bit do the squat and move on with my life. (my hatred for squats is slowing move to burpees. I hate burpees.)
Self Modivation::
I am not saying that I am 100%. Not even anywhere close. At all. But I am starting to see myself not giving up as easily as I once would. I'm still working on it though...

Until next time......

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